Devising Stratagems

Turn your head facing but just enough that you're not looking them head on (that would be too unnerving). It's all a matter of creating safety, calm. Lean ever so slightly towards them, open your mouth, and say not the first thing that comes to mind (that would be too honest), not the second thing (maybe still too honest but probably just embarrassing for you), but the third thing (what is the third thing and how long has it been since you've opened your mouth?). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh! and make sure you're paying attention ("you remembered" moments are pure gold. they show that you're serious and no, you can't just tell them. they won't believe you). Look at them in the eyes (very careful here. people are protective of their eyes. maybe a count of three, no, three is too long. two-and-three-quarters? no, still too long. probably two-point-six-repeating and how long is point-six-repeating do you still have eye contact? it's been two-point-six-eight already). Now say something impressive about yourself (but not in a "hey look how awesome i am" way. be subtle. casually reference the time you hitchhiked to penticton. okay maybe not that time. penticton isn't exotic enough, not that you're going for exotic here. you're not particularly exotic and you don't want them making comparisons. have you complimented them yet?). Compliment them. Laugh at their joke (no, it doesn't matter if it's funny. okay maybe it matters if THEY'RE funny but we already know that. i mean, you wouldn't be here if you didn't think they were funny, right? well, it was a little funny so i guess you're okay for now. remember, two-point-six-repeating. yes, i know there's spinach lodged in your bicuspid but it's probably far enough back that they won't see it. leave it alone. are you comfortable? you need to be comfortable or they will think you don't like them. touch their hand? sure, they extended it to you for a reason but think about what that reason might be. two-point-six-four that time. a little short but that's probably okay. you can probably take a sip of water or something. you don't look comfortable. are you still talking about penticton?).