So, I've been trying on a new hat lately. I don't feel as though I can fully call it honesty but I have the suspicion that it is in a shape that is not completely unlike it. I like my new hat. It fits, it's comfortable, and it keeps my head warm. It makes me tell people that I love them and that I don't like seeing them in pain. I have a new scarf and gloves that do the same as well.
I am told this is not okay. I am told this attitude gives the wrong impression. I am told I have a messiah complex. I am told that I want something in return. I am told I am being prideful. I am told to change.
I don't believe these things I am told. I feel as though I am just doing my part to the best of my ability. I don't expect any great changes in the way the world rotates because of my actions. I just want those around me to feel the warmth of my love for them. I feel as though I am being selfish for keeping it to myself. I think that its growing in me is too large of a gift for me to contain even. And for that, I am distrusted.
So again I am told I am wrong. I don't want to be wrong, because if I am wrong then the world is supposed to be a much colder place than I want it to be. But until I can find a different place to live I guess I'm stuck here and have to function according to the rules. As of yet, though, I just can't say I'm convinced that that's the way things are supposed to be.
1 comment:
i hear your heart in this matter and maybe we're wrong (all of us that don't accept compliments and love as sincere and stringless). i guess in the end you have to do what you feel is right and true for you. pomo? yes, but that's the world we now live in.
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