Not in the eyes!

I've realized that I don't really look anybody in the eye at work. In fact I go through lengths (the jury's still out on whether they're considerable or not, they are however, considered) to avoid eye contact. I realize that this speaks much more clearly as to the manner of person that I am as opposed to the manner of person that the average long-term care resident of a health care facility is.

I find this to be a curiosity because I can count on one hand the number of people that will acceptably hold eye contact with me (I have staring contests with professors to amuse myself in class, they're such amateurs). I've spent much of this shift looking at faces and realizing that it's not something I do here. It turns out that they smile a lot more when I do and that bothers me. When I look them in the eyes and they smile, I have a connection with them.

Now, I'm not some sort of elitist who thinks that I'm more important than anybody. It's just that when you have a connection with somebody, you have to deal with that deeper part of her (or him, I'm not going to argue about gender and certainly not for my hypothetical constructions). So when she accuses you of poisoning her tea you need to peel that connection with something true to her away from this impostor that has stolen her away from you (I imagine it's the mental equivalent of pulling tape off of a hairy arm, which is to say that it stings a little but does minuscule damage).

I assume that it's what people do when they distance themselves from any human contact. I'm afraid of investing myself. I admit this ashamedly since it speaks of a failure on my part (it certainly isn't theirs). I am working on it, though, it's just that I don't really think I have many more arm hairs to offer.